Connecting the Dots
Somewhere between the ages of 4-7, I was playing connect-the-dots without a ruler and with bright colored markers. I didn't connect them in numerical order, as I should have because what did I really know about numbers? It's not like I grew up a typical Asian and already learned that ahead of pre-K...oh wait. Well, what was meant to look like a cow jumping over the moon turned into ET on a psychedelic trip in another dimension. Lines were drawn off the pages, on to tables and even the walls. I connected them the way I felt like doing so, and didn't let numbers tell me what to do!
“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”
Somewhere between the ages of 4-7, I was playing connect-the-dots without a ruler and with bright colored markers. I didn't connect them in numerical order as I should have because what did I really know about numbers? It's not like I grew up a typical Asian and already learned that ahead of pre-K...oh wait. Well, what was meant to look like a cow jumping over the moon turned into ET on a psychedelic trip in another dimension. Lines were drawn off the pages, on to tables and even the walls. I connected them the way I felt like doing so, and didn't let numbers tell me what to do!
I also loved the idea of stars and space. When a pack of glow-in-the-dark stars were gifted to me, I scattered them across my room, on my ceiling, all corners of the walls and directly overhead so that every night I'd stare at them until I'd fall asleep. I was mentally connecting those stars, too.
Then, there were those "beauty" marks appearing all over my body and on my face that wouldn't wash away with soap. At one point, I imagined what design I could create if I connected them. No, I didn't draw on myself, but I almost did...with a pen. I was 20. Just kidding, these are all anecdotes of toddler Chang.
As I got older, the concept of connecting the dots became a lot more figurative than literal-- as all things in life do. The memories of my past have become nothing but a dream. But, I look back and I reflect often. Every stage in my life, every painful memory, every year that goes by, I wonder why something or someone resonates. And it is only by looking back at certain moments, whether joyous or tearful, that I've learned from my mistakes and realized how far I've come, and how to prepare for the future.
The catch is...what exactly am I preparing for when I don't even know what the future holds? How do you prepare for something that is unknown? There really is no preventative measure to take. As I stand on my current dot, I guess let's call it dot 25--a dot for each year-- I realize that I really can't connect to 26. I can imagine myself using that bright marker and drawing lines out of order, but it isn't really in my control. I do just have to believe that some way, somehow it'll all connect until eventually the future is right now all over again at dot 30 and dot 40, or dot 80 if I ever make it there.
I live a little terrified every day, but it's just a matter of how much terror I reveal. Some days are more exciting than others. Some days are a little more quiet than others. All I can do is live it one day at a time. But, at dot 25, I no longer have glow-in-the-dark stars stuck to my ceiling and walls. I just look up to the sky and search for the brightest in this light polluted city I live in.
<3,
Laura
What Fall Leaves Behind
I took these photos almost two months ago and had this post sitting in the draft section for about the same amount of time. Sometimes I just have photographs in my mind, and I ponder what words should accompany the post. It isn't that I think a photograph is not enough to say those thousands of words you want people to see, but more so that I want to be thoughtful about where the photograph came from or maybe why I took that photo. It's also more for my own reference, but I guess I don't always need words to fill a page. That's the whole point of a photograph, right? Well, I've been at a loss of words lately. No matter where I walk, what I read, I'll zone out into time and space. I look back at my past a lot, while trying to move forward. But, here I am in the present. And, this is really all the precious time I get. This time now, and this time presently.
Fall is almost over and Winter is coming.
I took these photos almost two months ago and had this post sitting in the draft section for about the same amount of time. Sometimes I just have photographs in my mind, and I ponder what words should accompany the post. It isn't that I think a photograph is not enough to say those thousands of words you want people to see, but more so that I want to be thoughtful about where the photograph came from or maybe why I took that photo. It's also more for my own reference, but I guess I don't always need words to fill a page. That's the whole point of a photograph, right? Well, I've been at a loss of words lately. No matter where I walk, what I read, I'll zone out into time and space. I look back at my past a lot, while trying to move forward. But, here I am in the present. And, this is really all the precious time I get. This time now, and this time presently.
This is what Fall leaves behind.
Laura
Portrait Diaries: Light
Today's shoot was all about light: natural daylight, starry LED lights and light from my other new camera toy. This isn't my first time photographing the beautiful Nastassia, and I am sure it won't be the last. Below are just a few of my favorites.
I will forever be infatuated by light. Today's shoot was all about the use of light: natural daylight, starry LED lights and light from my other new camera toy when I lost the sun. This isn't my first time photographing the beautiful Nastassia, and I am sure it won't be the last. Below are just a few of my favorites.
And, remember the Bokeh Kit that I mentioned in my previous blogpost? Nastassia hails from New Orleans so I had to use the fleur-de-lis for this Southern Belle.
See her entire gallery under "people" by clicking here, or scroll through it below.
A Moment of Blurry Vision
Have you ever felt empty inside? You're not feeling sad, happy, excited, or any basic emotion. Your vision, unable to focus on what is before. You blankly stare at something insignificant and your foreground becomes the background because this time your mind is controlling a blurry gaze. You could break free of this trance if you had to and gain back the focus, but when you let the mind free, the meter moves further away from center and everything is unclear.
Tonight's post will be short and sweet because it's really just about gazing at sweet nothings.
Have you ever felt empty inside? You're not feeling sad, happy, excited, or any basic emotion. Your vision, unable to focus on what is before. You blankly stare at something insignificant and your foreground becomes the background because this time your mind is controlling a blurry gaze. You could break free of this trance if you had to and gain back the focus, but when you let the mind free, the meter moves further away from center and everything is unclear.
That's what has been happening to me these last two days. (I hope medically speaking, this doesn't mean I'm dying or that I have a brain tumor that I am unaware of.) I'm not even making it up because I specifically explained my problem to a coworker today. I've been having trouble focusing on what's before me. It is as if my mind wants me to wander away. It feels like when you're about to begin a daydream, but the difference is that the thoughts are blank. My mind is idle.
Playing with the "heart" from my new Bokeh Masters Kit.
Ironically, my latest camera toy also arrived in the mail today, and its sole purpose is to create cute photo effects with the purposefully out-of-focus parts of a photograph (aka what's beyond the depth of field). You must all be thinking, HUH? But, let the photographs demonstrate.
I thought tonight would be the perfect night to share what are In My Visions and the feeling that I can't describe properly. It's when my mind decides to take over the ability to focus, or lack there of.
My toy comes with several shapes, but I only tested out the heart and the star. I can control what it focuses on and the filter distorts the background. It's most effective with lights. It's magical, it's adorable and I can't wait to try it when I take portraits, too!
Halloween is in the air, and I just made the spooky somewhat romantic and magical. Got to love photography. But, that's all folks! Just follow your heart, go with your vision-- even when it gets blurry. I'm not sure what this all means for me today, but I'll eventually find out on one of my tomorrows.
Just a coincidence that a photo of traffic lights created a heart-shaped "L"
Love,
Laura
Every Rose Has Its Thorn
I have a new found respect for florists. Whether it's a simple assortment for a party of one or many extravagant centerpieces for a larger event, the art of making a beautiful floral arrangement takes time, patience, some prickles of blood and a really good pair of shears.
I have a new found respect for florists. Whether it's a simple assortment for a party of one or many extravagant centerpieces for a larger event, the art of making a beautiful floral arrangement takes time, patience, some prickles of blood and a really good pair of shears.
How It All Began
I had one goal in mind and that was to wow. Wow myself, push my expectations and challenge the creative mind. This was my first time making centerpieces for a wedding, let alone a wedding for my own sibling. The day my sister-in-law said she wasn't going to go to a florist, my inner Katniss Everdeen yelled "I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!" I chose to do the centerpieces because a) They were about to keep all decor as simple and minimal as possible, b) I'm a hopeless romantic, c) this is my ONLY brother's big wedding day and my vehement self was not going to let such a milestone event fly by with flimsy cardboard cut-outs and paper lanterns. Not that anyone wanted cut-outs...I was just trying to make a point, but I digress.
The Concept
This was a challenge that I almost didn't think I could pull off. It was a balancing act, and I definitely would not have been able to accomplish it without assistance from the one and only best mother in the world. As much bickering was had between mother and daughter during the creative process, this remained my own DIY project and she let me stay true to my vision. The Bride and Groom did not have any requests. They let me have complete creative control, not even requesting that I follow a color theme. That was both a blessing and a setback because the pressure doubled and I didn't know where to even begin! Since red and gold are lucky colors in traditional Chinese weddings, I thought I'd stick to exactly that!
But Where Do I Get These Flowers?
I've had this concept in my head for months and not having it tangible was frustrating to me. The only way to ensure that my arrangements included the freshest flowers was to head to the flower district in NYC (28 Street between 6th & 7th Ave) and see what was in season for September. I let fate bring me to the bold and the beautiful. Whatever caught my eye, made me double-take, froze me in my footsteps, was what I would go for. It's an overwhelming block to be on because store front after store front were the most exotic plants and flowers one could possibly find. I knew what I wanted to do, but I didn't know if the florists would rip me off. Finally, I came across a wholesale vendor that was patient enough to explain to me different kinds of Rose breeds, temperature control and the actual names of these flowers. I highly recommend them and would love to shop there again or have another excuse to put together floral arrangements. Who are they? A Rose by Harvest. I placed my large order and waited until THE DAY BEFORE said wedding to pick these beauties up.
The Chosen Ones
Flower selection:
-Freedom Roses (bright red)
-Free Spirit Roses (orange/red ombre)
-Red & Gold Pin Cushion Flowers
-Pink Hypericum Berries
-White Wax Flowers
The Day Before the "Big Day"
To say that I was nervous or freaking out would be an understatement. Not only did I have to wait until the day before, but I had to beat the Pope mobile and make sure traffic and closed streets would not deter me from getting my order of flowers. I awoke at 4:30AM, brushed my teeth, put on a sweatshirt and drove straight into the city...and the rest was history. I was home by 6:30AM, took a brief nap, had a spider scare because I am VERY SURE I brought a giant one into the house while it was hiding in one of the bouquets. An 8-legged freak managed to create a very large web above the flowers in the room I stored them and it was frightening. Till this day I have not seen it, but I KNOW IT IS SOMEWHERE WATCHING MY EVERY MOVE.
From 12PM to 5:30PM, I was snipping, measuring, prickling my finger with rose thorns and arranging the heck out of 20+ vases. Finally, they were ready to be boxed and conditioned on their last stay overnight in the Chang casa.
The Lesson
I felt fire, I felt passion, I felt joy and I felt love these last few months. And as cliché as this may be, I felt all my emotions forever encapsulated within these vivid arrangements.
I love with all my heart and put in whatever energy I can relinquish to the people and the things that matter most to me. Sometimes it is my biggest flaw because you can never ever expect anything to be reciprocated so you are left vulnerable with your heart on the line. In the end, it was all worth it. I'll let these photographs speak for themselves, but I was proud and I was content. Flower arrangements have their enraging moments, especially as a newbie. But, when the day finally arrived to put the pieces of my concept together, I was absolutely calm. It was meditative and it was everything I enjoy doing. Every rose has its thorn and I would do it all over again.
<3,
Laura
